Tuesday, February 4, 2014

My worst nightmare

I awoke this morning very grateful for my husband and the life we share.  It was a rare occasion where, at 7am, I was actually happy that my alarm was buzzing at me.  Waking me up from a terrible nightmare, worse than the usuals that haunt my dreams....

 - Worse than the ones where I get shot (Usually in the stomach, by the bad guys who are chasing me.  But I always live to tell the tale.)

 - Worse than the ones where I back my car into something (But it's never my fault! The breaks are faulty and I just can't stop the car!)

 - And even worse than the packing nightmares (Where I'm leaving on a trip in 5 minutes and frantically throwing things in a suitcase while someone honks a car horn at me from outside.  Seriously, the worst dreams ever, I will wake up in a complete sweaty panic!)

This dream, was the worst of all.  It was a few years down the road, and I was sitting silently in the kitchen, crying, watching Tom carry half of our belongingsout  to a moving truck.  We were getting a divorce.  Half of our couches, half of our towels, half of our daughter's clothes, half of her toys, and half of my heart, all walking out the front door.  I pleaded with him not to go, we could make it work, it could be better!  But, he left anyway, it was "for the best."

My parents came and took me to the Fort Worth Stockyards (random?), so we could grab dinner, wander around, get my mind off of things.  But throughout the day, Tom was sending messages to my phone.  He thought he was being helpful, sweet, by sending pictures of our daughter. Spending the day with him. Pictures of her swimming, pictures of her new room at his new house. Joking about how much more difficult it is to take care of a kid by oneself.  

I was a disaster in the dream, a total blubbering mess. It was the most heart-wrenching thing I'd ever been through, and it seemed so. dang. real.

Finally, the sound I usually despise rang out and woke me up.  And there was my husband beside me, still asleep, completely unaware that I was about to shower him hugs and "don't ever leave me"s!  (Funny story though, when I first told him I dreamt we were getting a divorce, he said "what did I do?" Naturally he thought I was divorcing him, not the other way around. Maybe I should take it easier on the poor guy!)

Today, I am so very thankful that I get to share my life with such an awesome man, who will stick with me through thick and thin, sleepless nights and dirty diapers.  Who loves me despite the fact that I hog the covers, let the trash can overflow, and never have a full tank of gas. And who isn't going anywhere.

No comments:

Post a Comment